Parenting · Uncategorized · Weight loss journey

Addicted

So I’m almost ashamed to write this. I’m even more so ashamed to admit it to myself. But I learned long ago that burying your head in the sand doesn’t make the problems go away. So here goes…

I, Anna Mickerson, am hopelessly and pitifully, addicted to sugar.

There it is. I said it. Looking at my words in black and white makes it true. Sigh.

I haven’t updated you guys on my life lately, but I recently had my second child (yay!!!) and I am breastfeeding. While I know my child loves me, she has decided I committed some grave sin in my past and the only appropriate way to punish me sufficiently, is to not allow me to sleep. I know she’s doing it on purpose. I can see the determination in her eyes and the way she scrunches up her chubby cheeks in anger if I even DARE to try and catch a few errant zzzzz’s. It wasn’t until I had children that I understood how sleep deprivation could be used as a torture element.

I say all that to try and explain how I let sugar get the best of me. A lack of sleep has many consequences; physiologically, not getting enough sleep is horrible on the body. Throws off your hormones completely which is a huge detriment to maintaining your weight. Also, being bone-weary tired means that you don’t have energy to cook healthy meals or even go grocery shopping. So that means that quick, oftentimes, unhealthy fast food options are the go-to. Also, being so tired means that your body will try to compensate and give you a boost so it will make you crave carbs/sugar to give you a jolt of energy. And while that does work in the short-term, your blood sugars will crash which leads you to grabbing more carbs/sugar to fix it. A nasty vicious cycle. And finally, breastfeeding makes me hungry to the point of being HANGRY if I don’t eat enough or fast enough. I am literally hungry. all. the. time. No joke.

So all of those things combined means that I have traded in my kale for cookies. My fruit and veggie smoothies for caramel mochas with extra whipped cream on top. My salads for fast food burgers and fries. Even as we speak, I am eating a cupcake and washing it down with coffee that has about 7 sugars in it. Sigh.

The bad thing is, I KNOW WHAT ITS DOING TO ME AND I CAN’T STOP. So to everyone out there, trust me when I say I know the struggle is real when it comes to healthy eating and exercising! I am experiencing a definitive down in the ups and downs of sustaining a healthy lifestyle. BUT, and it is a big but (Not the but with two t’s although that one is pretty big too these days), I will not let this be the end of my story. I WILL get it together. I am giving myself a few months (because I did just have a baby so I have other priorities right now) but I will get back on track.

I’m setting a goal for myself. By the end of this year, I will lose 30+ pounds. And when I do, I’ll have a cookie to celebrate. Ok, ok! No cookie. Sigh.

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